I have my math homework right in front of me....

I was about to do it...

but then, i thought 'hey! lets read the news paper!' (even though I read today's news already..)

BUT even before i went to the news paper website (thestar.com. oh~~ i'm such a good old Canadian.)

I accidentally clicked this blog.

so i'm like, humm, i didn't update in such a long time... (not really that long.)

but lets write something anyways.

so here I am. argh.

I promise (myself) that i'll do my math homework afterwards.

anyways;

so today; randomly; I forgot how; but like, --- OH NEVERMIND, i remembered how! during accounting class; we were learning about "journals" (which are actually called "The General Journal" -- used to record routine balanced transactions....=/ i'm such a dork; i still remember. well, okay i'm no dork. but OMG i remember!!!! o_O; but i bet i got it wrong...i wouldn't be surprised if i did get it wrong, ANYWAYS AS I WAS SAYINGGGG.)

so the teacher was like "this journal isn't like the normal journal, you don't actually write whatever you do in this journal, so like..."

so basically, through that; i actually 'learned' the 'purpose' of a journal...

and then I realized...

I never actually USE this journal this way...

O_O; woopies?

now; lets correct that mistake; shall we? (at least for this once)

today, it's cloudy, I think, well, okay, i'm not too sure; since it's dark outside right now, but lets just say it's cloudy...

I woke up at 7:53 (I just incidentally happen to remember the exact number. =P and it's the true exact number. O_O; honest.) -- then directly yelled at my dad... for hogging the washroom for too damn long...

have i ever mentioned, my alarm is set at 7:10, then at 7:30 I have a friend calling me? and then, i pay attention to the sounds of 'water running' (to see when my stupid dad is done with his shower; so then i can obtain the washroom...)--and then, when the water running stops, i get out from bed (after telling myself "DON'T THINK, DON'T THINK, JUST DO. JUST GET UP. YOU CAN DO IT! YOU GO!! YOU CAN ACCOMPLISH THIS!!" for like 20 times.)

yeah...=/

then i did all the morning stuff (except the: changing clothes non-stop to match/choose what to wear for the day, putting on make up, or like, poking fun at little things...that most/other/girls seem to do...that I never do...or will...) --- then got dressed (in like two minutes)

and then, yelled at the dumb dad some more since he takes FOREVER;

I swear, the FREKAIN' IDIOT EATS: 1 BIG BOWL of beans (yes, beans), 3 Keywee (I know that's the worse spelling in the world. But it's cute. :D), 3 apples...

for BREAKFAST. =_=;;;;;;

and it takes him FOREVER to finish it. We have to get OUT of the house by 8:25. (THAT'S THE LATEST, LATEST. i have to be at school BY 8:33. Else there's NO WAY, NO WAYYY, can i make it into class --- I'm ALWAYS, ALWAYYYYYSS the kid running TWO SECONDS, and i mean TWO SECONDS, into the class right before the bell rings. =_=; it's DANGEROUS i tell you, to run in the halls during the morning. you can CRASH into people. -- it didn't happen for me. but it COULD. and most likely WILL in the future if this keeps up.)

ARGH; i hate that idiot. (as for my breakfast; I usually, IF THERE'S TIME, and MOST OF THE TIME I DON'T HAVE TIME. -- buy a bagel from the school caf, and then eat it during class. =/ ALL of my morning teachers allows me to eat breakfast during class. >_<; STUPID DAD. ARGH.)

have i ever mentioned my dad is stupid? =_=;;;

anyways; as for my marks...

T-T; 86 HHG
91 Accounting..

Chem...lets not mention it, and hopefully, one day, when i read this blog again, i would've forgotten my chem mark...

Similar story for Math (actually, an even worse story for math)

as for physics...T=T;;;;;; horrible as well...

Bio; don't know yet...

English, i'm HOPING for 83. but I think it'll be like, 81...>_>; (we only had like three assignments, and, the group assignment, we did really well..so..that's why my English mark is in the 80s, for NOW.)

And HSB...i have a BADDDD feeling about it...

oh by the way; report cards, dec 3rd...

I'M SO SCREWEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.

ARGHHH

anyways; yeah.....................................................T-T;;;;;

mah lafe suaks!!!

that's all for today; until next time when i want to waste my time before touching homework...

and i have a ton of math homework today too...

and a ton of chemistory homework (my dear chem teacher used like, ten minutes today; lecturing us; "The only reason you get bad marks is because you don't do your homework. There's only 14 months left before you have to apply to university; you gotta get your acts together. NOW and FAST." --- argh; as if i'm not stressed enough by that U word. he JUST have to keep mentioning it.)

I just came home from walking around STC for...basically the whole day today. =_=;

met two...new..."T/P" (not going to explain, but i'm sure you CAN guess. Well, okay, anyways point is; GUESS!) today. and well, mehhhh.

the girl was cute though :D

but I was there as a light bulb =_=;

so that was no good...

and I bought perfume, the men ones (i know i know; the girl ones just smelled too fruity. yes; fruity.)


and now smelling it, for the wholeee day, it's making me dizzy...

what a waste of 22$...T-T;;;; (it was 19.50$ before tax. T-T;)

ahhh i'm dizzy..


shower shower...here I come...(after i'm finished with this blog)

so a big day is coming up.

guess what day?

hummm?

hummm?

yeah fine. it's my birthday. (I betcha didn't guess that one! haahahahaha)

I'm not going to tell you how old I'll be turning

>:D

just 'cause i'm evil.

MUAHAHAHAHAHA.

point is; I'll be old. >_>;

sucks.

T-T;

but hey~! life and time moves on...................no matter how old i get...

damnit.

I was I was in kindergarten...

cute kindergarten teachers...free hugs...free cookies...you get to have nap time...and there's snack time...

ahhhh; the good old days. and when you cry; people will go up to you and say "aww, please don't cry, here's a candy."

now people just go like "ew, you're crying. and you're old." (I know they don't say that; but STILL. T-T;;;;)

i'm so dizzy..

anyways; birthday wishes~!!!!!!

T=T; i actually don't have any material items that I want...

what did i wish for last year? (can't remember; but i bet i wished for cute girls >:D)

(yeah; it clearly shows birthday wishes don't work. =_=; it never came true.)

I'm actually thinking about a PSP or something, like, a portable one (obviously) just so i can take it around everywhere with me and READ with it. (yes; I said READ.)

._.;

I know. I'm such a dork. T-T; i'd like to say nerd; but I don't qualify for the "must be smart" qualification. (damnit.)

T-T;

i guess this is it; the perfume is making me REALLLL dizzy.

shower shower shower...

ANDDD OHHH I WATCHED ASTRO BOY TODAY!! IT WAS SOOOOOOOOO GOOD! (Yes, I happen to like cartoons. Yes, I happen to like/love disney and pixar, and Yes. I LOVE ASTRO BOY. And yes. I like PG rated movies. NOT 14A, 18A, OR R. thankyouverymuch. but PG.)

--- omg, something dumb just happened....

i accidentally pressed backspace too much....

and...

and......

I went to the previous pages...

I had to retype the wholeeee thing................................................

No. i'm kidding.

I LOVE YOU LJ!!! i love how you automatically save drafs ^_^ I LOVEEEE YOUUUU LJ LJ LJ LJ!! WOOOOT!

GO LJ GO! :D

you didn't make me waste mah time :D :D mah very vaaaarrryyy (yes I know, i said vAry) vaulable time. :D

yayy

okay. shower.

BAIIII :D

UNTIL NEXT TIME! (i just felt like saying that. supur of the moment thing. and i wonder if anyone *aside from yours truly* ever reads these blogs....>_>; OH WELL. ^_^;;;;)

yes, this whole damn thing is in Chinese. I decided to post something on my Chinese blog (that I got; like two months ago? or a month? whatever.)

it took so freakin' long to write; and well, here it is, better transfer it to this blog eh?

I wonder if anyone reading this; will be able to read this entry...but it's okay if you can't; i mean; damn, it's in Chinese...O_O;

and no, i'm not translating it. I'm too damn lazy.

and oh yeah; for the record..

i screwed up on my Math test recently; I failed it. =_=; that was two weeks ago. argh.

next; i screwed up on my physics test; =_=; i..got a horrible mark. =_=; damn it. but didn't fail. >_>;

next; i screwed up on my biology; well, it was the best screw up out of the three; i got 80s, but like, damnit, didn't did good enough as i expected i'd do. (i studied; you can't blame me.)

damnit.

i hate school...


想一想。今天好想写点啥。 又不知道写啥。

 

真是好无聊啊。

 

我无聊。

 

我感到无聊。

 

生活； 无聊。

 

次次看漫画， 主人宫， 一定， 一定， 有某些生活的意义。 救世界啊；救美女啊；救人啊；找东西啊； 寻宝啊。。。

 

随便。 -- 但生活中呢？ 答： 啥也没有。 很无聊吧？ --- 当然， 如果那些故事里头的主人宫， 没有做些有’意义‘ 的东西； 他们的故事； 就不会是故事了。---谁会去读啊？

 

所以； 你， 我， 其他人， 就不会（一般） 在市面上见到一些将平常人的故事。 一个象我的故事：

 

很简单。 --- 生。 活。 -- 最后； 死。

 

三个字， 可以很简单的说明我这一生。 --- 当然， 我说的很简单。 如果， 生活， 就简单的象三个字， 就好了。 - 但，不是。 唉。

 

当你感到渺茫， 渺小， 的时候； 当你觉得全世界都没有人明白你的时候； -- 很可笑的是， 不单单有你那样认为。 更可笑的是， 当你觉得， 没有人理你， 没有人关心你， 没有人记得你。 --- 同样的， 你又关心， 理， 记住， 几个人啊？
-- 就象你种棵树， 为了那树的果实， 你要对那树有关心， 有投入， -- 才， ‘可能’ 有回报。 --- 对人也如此， 往往， 很多人都会 （我也会） 先觉得想要回报先， 先得到别人的关爱， 注意； 才会去注意别人。

 

有好多东西可以写， 有好多东西可以说； 就说说我自人感受吧。 （但， 要说对于什么东西的感受呢？ 俺不知道。）

 

我很很很很喜欢， 常常， 拿西方文化跟中国文化做对比。

 

我个人觉得。 --- 我不是‘全知’ 我知道的东西， 有限。 -- 当然， 你在这里读的， 也不可以把他当作全部人的想法， 说法。 -- 我说的是我的。

 

在西方， 一般， 你如果成年了， 有工作了， 你还在家里住， 是一个挺丢人的事情。 -- 在中国， 只要你不是出城市， 远离父母， 或结婚； 在家里跟父母住是很平常的吧？ 

 

中 国； 一个我天天都在想的词。 一个远离我的地方 （也的确够远的）。 一个曾经是我的‘国’ 的地方。 一个， 是别人称做为‘我的祖国’ 的地方（我不喜欢那么叫； 如果那么说， 就好象把中国摆在一个很高的位置， 但， 对我来说， 对； 中国是一个我有很大关连的地方， 但， 他， 并不有恩于‘我’ -- 你可以说他，对我现在的存在， 有‘恩’， 但， 那不是对’我‘ 有恩。 世界上没有任何一个人是’选择‘ 出身， 选择’生活‘ 的。--- 父母对你的恩， 不是生你， 而是养你， 爱你。）

 

前几天， 在课本上读到， 中国是世界上， 近期， 改变最快的一个国家， 从平均年龄（40年代的40多） 到现在的71岁。 -- 一个很保守的国家， 到现在世界上武力第三大的国家。 一个世界都靠着的经济来源。 -- 你在西方， 你随便在一个商店里头买东西， 你一看产地； 80%都是’中国‘。 

 

也许， 你们看着这些东西会觉得自豪， 觉得中国人厉害， 觉得中国怎么怎么了。 （中国人， 是厉害。 才60年啊。）

 

但， 我看着， 我心痛。

 

那些， 都是踩着人民的脑袋上的荣誉。 -- 中国现在， 平均， 每个月人工有多少？ 1千人民币？ 一年， 就一万二。 --- 加拿大， 平均工资， 就有18万人民币。 （当然， 加拿大拥有世界第三高的生活水平。中国有96） --- 中国强大， 人民不强。

 

好苦啊。 我看好中国。 中国万岁。 但， 好苦啊。 -- 中国的喜， 中国的光荣， 都是苦的。 西方的人， 不知道中国的苦。 但， 我知道啊。 别人看着， 眼红， 60年， 发展的飞快。

 

2008 年奥运会的时候， 全中国举国欢庆。--- 中国人为中国自豪。 从东奥败夫， 到现在全世界得最多金牌， 最多奖状， 的国家。 --- 中国办的奥运会， 全世界都在观看， 都在看看这古老而强大的国家， 看他怎么做。 --- 当然， 中国没有失礼，中国， 办的很厉害。 让很多人都夸赞。 --- 2008年奥运会， 在中国历史上， 有着很重的意义。

 

我也为中国开心。 也为中国自豪。

 

但， 更多的是心痛。 心酸。

 

一 个个运动员， 一个个出色的运动员， 他们的一生就是运动， 没有了， 他们， 很多时候； 就谁也不是。 -- 分分钟， 会被淘汰， 老了。 -- 当然， 他们也有很好的未来， --- 前提是： 如果他们成功。 成功的那些， 他们是踩着多少人而上的？ 他们付出的心血， 有多少啊？ 台上一分钟， 台下十年功。 -- 去去中国的体育官， 培训未来的运动员的地方， 有多少小孩在啊？ 等他们大了以后， 又有多少会出人头地啊？ （我曾经被选拔过。进了所有来挑选的队，哈哈啊但后来都被淘汰了。 俺太懒了。）--- 可能是我个人觉得吧， 但， 他们好可怜。 也许， 那运动是他们毕生的最爱。 但， 也许， 那运动， 变出色， 是他们一生唯一的出路。 --- 他们的童年， 就那么样子过了。 天天训练。 吃的东西被管着。 --- 也许不是那么样子的吧， 是我猜的， 但我相信， 我所猜的离现实， 不远。 --- 在这里， 我为所有中国的运动员工， 加油。 你们很厉害。 你们很出色， 你们的出色； 得到的很苦。 但， 加油吧。

 

说完运动员， 就说说那奥运会的场地吧。 --- 耗资多大？ 我不知道。 动员多大？ 我不知道。 宣传费多大？ 我不知道。 心血有多少？ 我也不知道。

 

那我知道什么呢？

 

我知道， 如果， 那些费用， 用来帮助中国有需要的人， -- 就能改变千千万万个人的生命。

 

我知道， 如果， 政府象注视奥运会一样的注视社会问题； 中国的人民， 就会过的更好。

 

我知道， 如果， 那些钱， 都用来改正人民的保障， 中国人， 也会过的更好。

 

我知道， 如果， 那些钱都用来改造教育， 能上学的， 能上大学的， 能写字的， 能读书的， 能有个更好的未来的人--辈出就会有更多。 --- 也会有更多人才。

 

我刚刚查了； 最高的计算， 中国用了， 40亿（美元。 1美元=7人民币）， 在奥运会上。 --- 可能是历史上， 对奥运会耗资最大的一次。 

 

唉。 中国。 一个让我心痛的国家。 因为； 那可曾经是我‘家’。 我希望中国好。

p.s: I got a cold today. =_=; been sneezing the whole time.

=_=; I did one of the craziest things I've ever done in my life.

=_=;;

I climbed the CN tower...

I took 29 minutes and 58 seconds...

but I told the girl to write it as 59 seconds...(so it'd be 29 minutes and 59 second. :D)

pretty cool eh? :D

I had a toy sword too..(made out of balloon, apparently there were clowns there...O_o; a lot of people got hats, but I was happy with a sword. :D)

._.;

so yeah. I know. short. hahaha...

not like i'm trying to update this day once-every-single-day or something like that. XDD

but I am trying to, like, you know, not let it die and all...

and have I ever mentioned next week is going to be crazy for me? =_=;

yeah...

Accounting Test - Monday
HSB test - Tuesday
Physics test - Wednesday

and..

Bio test - Thursday.

it was origionally HSB, Physics, AND bio on Wednesday..but I tricked the teachers in to moving the tests to other days. xDD hehehe...so yeah...

but I'll probably, and it's very likely, that I'll just do the physics and biology test on the same day.

._.;

and oh yeah, I went to UofT open house directly after CN tower climb today...

=_=;

holy crap; that was nearly as tiring, (if not more) than climbing the highest finished structure in the world. =_=

we walked around for HOURS. =_=;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

didn't get home till almost six. =_=;

argh.

tired. beat. stressed.

tired.

horrible math.

tons of tests next week.

piled up stress.

I feel like running towards the wall and bang my head to it non-stop.

and life is so damn boring.

It's the same events. Over. and over. and over. and over. and over. and over. and over....

again

and

again

and

again...

damn it.

argh; nothing fun is going on right now.

it's crap..

I just noticed, most of my entries are pretty lengthy and wordy and useless...

oh well...~.~;

today. I went shopping. Vaughan Mills.

so freakin' far away...

and bought nothing much...

went to eat K-BBQ in the morning with parents.

so that was good.

humm..

generally happy.

but really tempted by the idea of being a CA in the future *eyes shines*

so much money, if i work over seas, about 300K CAN per year...~_~;;;;

inorite? I'd be a MILLIONAIR! in several years...:D (but that's probably the amount I'd be earning after like, ten years of working..but oh well...)

@_@;; argh

whatever.

lalala.

so bored.

I guess this is it for this entry; I know. short and simple. hahaha~ (unlike my usual ones.)

p.s: thanks to the fact that I was out for the whole day, i didn't get any homework done (not like I would've done it if i was at home..but like...you know..)

meh; I'm screwed. I got so much things left....

and my stupid partner for Chem haven't done his part =_=;;;; damnit. oh well. i'll sneak up to him later. somehow. or whatever.

I'm so freakin' confused about university right now.

 

I just went to the University Fair of Ontario yesterday, and holy crapppppp, well, okay, I expected a lot of people there...

 

but the requirements are so high; and the most important thing of all: I have NO IDEA what I want to be when I 'grow' (more like, graduate from High school) up.

 

and time is running up. Tick-tock, Tick-tock. ---- Next thing You know, I'd have to make my choice.

 

I'd have to make a choice!! argh;. it's so freakin' annoying. It pisses me off. Why? because!

 

Problem: 1. I want to be rich, I want to have money. I want the job that I will have, bring in a lot of income.

 

2. I want, i want, i want to travel around the world. I want a job, or some kind of occupation that allows me to work all over the world. ---- First stop, China. Then Japan, Then, well, where-ever I want to go then. China and Japan are the two countries I want to go the most.

 

Especially China. I want to learn, I want to learn about that country; I want to make sense of their culture. I want to see a lot of historical sites; all by myself. (honestly.)

 

AND, I want to kidnap a wife >=DDDDDDDD (basically, in human language: I want to find a wife in China. And kidnap her to Canada. Hahahahaha~ Yeah, I like drama in life. it makes life fun. It'd be interesting. No? I think it'd be real fun.)

 

BUT, who knows. haha. maybe i'll find my love in University and wouldn't end up going to China in the end. *Shrugs* tha'ts pretty likely to happen. I mean, dude, my 'preferences' for different types of people changes ever-so-often. I mean, meh, like, i can change 'cause I have never settled down..(despite what i say; i don't think i'm THAT bad looking, nor THAT bad of a person to not to have a gf. I guess luck just haven't knocked on my doors yet. or something like that. Oh well, it's bound to come right?)

 

I mean, I am, 174Cm tall, 128pounds, Canadian, no smoke, no gambling, no cheating --- even though i don't have any talents.....~_~; can't play the piano. can't dance. and CAN'T sing...

 

I'm not THAT bad right? someone is bound to be dumb enough to fall for me. --- I have 'trust' in that~~!!!

 

Like i've said before, >=D mah wife is bounddd to fall from the sky, sometime, someday. Just you wait! hahaha. (and I'm waiting too.) 

 

Gosh; why did I get from talking about university to this? =_=;

 

anyways. Argh.

 

I really want to go to UofT. it's close to home. It's a world renowned university. It doesn't cost SKY HIGH. There's a lot of programs I want to check out.

 

and well, yeah, the most important reason is it's world renowned. And yes, well, I like showing off. Shut up. Haha. I want to be able to go to China, go to those international companies there, and show them my application letter in big fat bolled letters saying     "Graduated from: University of Toronto, Canada, Ontario"

 

It's a small part of my big stupid dream.

 

And I'm going to be trying my best to make it work. and real. --- it can't be THAT hard can it?

 

Well, okay, I lied. It's very hard.

 

There are two general programs that I am considering: BCam degree~~ Basically, Commerance. -- business. Marketing. Etc. Management. (I'm not doing management. You can't find a job studying that crap.)

 

And another, something completely different; it's physical health and education.

 

If I follow the first path (the one that I really dream that I follow) I'll be dressed up all businessy and in suits and stuff; earning big Chinese dollars (probably. haha.) in China. ---- Probably doing Commerance and Marketing. Stuff like that -------- but the problem with this path; is; oh DAMN, the COURSES are HARD and I need a HIGH average. 87%. at least. general mark to get in.

 

And for the record, there's also the business program thingy at YORK university, the university it self isn't world famous; BUT; the program is. -- you can travel around the world during the summer.---- and you need 95%+ average to get in.

 

Yeah, that ISN'T going to happen. Probably. I doubt it. So much work.....So hard. It's almost impossible (I know, I know, theres' only one limit: It's the limit you set for yourself.) -- but it's too high of a goal; i'm too scared to even set that limit for myself. or gaol. whatever.

 

and the second path; which, I only need 83% average for. --- is the Co-education, Physical health and Kinesiology. I doubt I spelled it right. well, I just checked. I did spell it right; but the stupid firefox said I didn't.

 

BUT, anyways, yeah. that path enables me to become a Gym teacher. (generally. I guess.) -- it's easy. it's a good job. but it's LOW pay. (not the one I dream to have at least.)

 

but the benefits is: it's government related. It's 60K CAN a year. and, yes, I CAN go all over the world teaching, AND, AND, I get about three months of vacation each year and i can do whatever I want.

 

but i want to live in China. Earn big bucks. Get pretty girls to like me. (yes, well, you know humans; all they want is the one they're attracted to. In this case, I can't say the opposite Gender, 'cause, it isn't the opposite gender. Hahaha. I know. dry joke. shut up.)

 

arghhhhh.

 

it's all so damn confusing.

 

And I have to make my choice of university next year. And the program I want to apply to next year too..

 

and there's also the thing about dobule majors. --- I want to have a double major. but I'd have to pay double the tution fee for that...

 

am I even able to get such a large student loan? Probably.

 

and once i get a student loan, how many years will it take me to pay back? and what about working in other countries? would I get paied good enough to...pay it back while I'm in another country on the otherside of the world or something?

 

damnit. I want a double major. I want a wife. I want money. I want a good future. I want, i want to be out of school.

 

I want to grow up.

 

I want to look better.

 

I want to grow taller (ONE CM!!)

 

So much wants, so hard to get, so little time, so long time, so so so so~!! ANNOYING.

 

I'll probably end up in a mental inisituion or something at this rate of my freakin' out. =_=; but I'll feel better afterwards. I mean, dude, I still have a year.

So, well, it's been a week of school already; and I ACCIDENTLY stressed myself out...eh; just now I guess...

The Story: (HA! it's my blog! I can ramble on about NOTHINGNESS*of importance* for as LONG AS I WANT XDD WOOT!)

so..when I came on the computer, I was bored, so I checked mah Mail, and I saw this E-mail about eh;;; university of Phenix? I think it's some American thing, so that got me thinking; "humm; what about Canadian universities?"

Then i went to check the rankings...

I found out, McGill is a pretty good university here in Canada...o_O; and you need 90s to get in =_=;;;;;;

And UofT is, as usual, one of the best, if not THE best, university here in Canada, and depends on which prgrams you want, you need AT LEAST 80s...=_=;;;; average for commerace: 87%, physical education (I dunno why it's so high =_=;): 84%, Engenering: 88%?

argh......annoying...so I'm 'worried' again, if i will get in there or not...=_=;;;;; 'cause like, DAMN that's high...I mean, sure, i'm okay with low 80s,  and like, i can PROBABLY (and i'm unsure..big time..) get mid 80s....but high or 90s?! hell no =___=;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

damn it.

and then, I felt bored out of my mind and random, and checked my HS ranking (which is like, 174/680) =_=; and DAMN that's low...no wonder so many people, after middle school, went to unionville...=_=; 'cause that stupid school is ranked 7/680 =_= (go google if you don't believe me. argh. it's based on EQAO results though.)

argh...so i'm like,

okay, so, A: My marks (before) are NOT good enough to get into univerity (well, not my grade nine marks, and probably not 3rd term grade ten since I screwed up so much I didn't even want to SEE, and which I DIDN'T see, the report cards...)

and B: my HS isn't GOOD as I thought it is...

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I hate this. =_=;;;; stupid stupid stupid. =_=;;;;;;;;; If i knew unionville is THAT good, I could've faked addressed or MOVED there even for it =_=;

argh...

AND the MOST (okay no, not really, but makes me jealous) 'depressingly sad weird thing' (for me. of course.) is that Canada actually have an international school in HK---and it's ranked 1st on the list...

=_=;

guess how much it costs per year for HS in that school?

Lets play good news bad news:

Bad news: It's 102K (yes; THREE 'sig figs')
Good news: It's in HK Dollars
Bad news: That STILL means it's about... 16K CAN dollars
Good news: Average income per Canadian is higher than that...
Bad news: but thats' over 50% of that...=_=;

Expensive eh? =_=; i was thinking like "Omg, if its' free for Canadian students, I'm SOOO going there!" (in my dreams, of course, but now I don't even DARE to dream. --- yes I'm cheap.~~~~ )

arghhhh =_=;

and oh yeah;;; I have a physics QUIZ on sig figs tomorrow

and a CHEM quiz on sig figs AND last year review on Wednesday. (didn't exactly review for it yet.)

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. annnooooyyyyyyinnnnnnnnnngggggggg.

i hate school. and it's started already..

anyways!

RELATIONSHIPS UPDATE!~~!!!!

------

no i'm kidding, I just really wanted to say that. =_=; but it's been the same. For a long. Long. Long. Longg. time. (my whole life to be exact.)

--- > I'm STILL (okay, well, i just like to whine, you shaddap. you read me blog. and me whine on me blog. HA!) singleeeeee!! (Yes, to all ladies, older than 16, shorter than 5'8, PREFERABLLY Asian, younger than 30 ----------------; I'm STILL single! LOOOL.)

and oh yeah, I got glasses...uh huh. glasses.....

*eyes shines* andddd, I really like them! hahaha~~

but my friends say they're dorky/stupid...=_=;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; (Ih8them/you)
-
-
-
-
-
-
-

Reason: 'cause they don't have lenses...............HAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. it's FUNNNN wearing it though; LOOOL. XDDDDDDDDDDDD

anyways...

me in glasses...:D :D good good? yesh yesh?

and oh yes; my infamous SUPER SMALL eyes, in display =_=;;;;; yes; well, when i smile, it's a LINE. line. line.

OH! random funny and yet (i find it.) ironically sad fact; you know the double eye lids and single eye lids? guess which one I got?

YAP! correct! from my SUPER SMALL eyes--- I got stuck with single eye lids

and THAT'S not all!! ---- NO ONE, NOOOO ONE, NOT A SINGLE PERSON, in my family, even EXTENDED family, like, DISTANT relatives------ have single eye lids...

I'm the ONLY ONE. from BOTH parents' sides....

=_=;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

that's how ANNOY it is....

=_=;;;;;;

*Sigh*

oh well...T-T;;;;;

a week from now, i'd be in Canada. Gosh. Finally eh? ~_~; I'm so bored here. There's nothing to do. Hahaha. I'm just spending time on the internet as if i was in Canada. Meh. =/ at lesat I can go out if i'm in Canada. but since i'm here....nope. I have to wait for relatives to bring me. =/ I want to go back to downtown, but yeah, can't. =/ ~_~; I'm so bored.....=/ I still have about 1K yuan left :D to waste. I'm planning to invite my family out to dinner, before I go. and obviously; i'm paying. loool. and then, eh, yeah, go out and play? I dunno. ~_~;;;;;

meh.

I'm so bored.

I've realized, not only am I bored, I"m also slurking back from somethings socially. for example, I've stopped reading a lot of the updates/stories ~_~; from FP. why? 'cause I'm currently into chinese stories. over this summer, I've read 71 stories already ~_~; all chinese. ~_~; and if you add on the 240? stories from FP...man, i've read a lot. been doing nothing but reading all day long. argh. =/ I'm slurking off from my English sideeee. oh nooo.

but oh well...

ahhh

what the heck am i even saying? =_=;;;;;

I'm truly rambling. =_=;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

I slept at four AM yesterday, and woke up at nine. can't sleep any more. =_=; gosh I look scary today.l ~_~ I've become one of the national treasures of China. (Panda.~_~;)

argh.

i'mmmm soooo boreddddddddddddddddddddddddd there's nothing i can doooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ~__~;;;;;

*sigh* i'm waiting for school...@_@;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; hopefully that will be more fun....@_@;;;;

oh --- I've actually started the habit of listening to music now. =/ but all chinese ones. hahahha.

damn i've become more fob. =_=;;;

First; I really REALLY reallyyy REALLYYYYYY don't like china. Just a LITTLE bit away from hate. just a LITTLE tiny bit. x_x;

Why why why?

argh.

first of all; the city I'm at is going through HUGE BIG changes; that basically means, it's crowed, it's nosiy, and there's traffic EVERY WHERE.

=_=; btw---that's Kunming, the city known to be "Spring City" (for it's almost spring all year long. well. no. but it has nice weather; that's why. =/
god, i'm bored, i'm hungry. i'm ...well, really bored...

my aunt found a cell phone in a taxi two days ago. =_=; she too out the SIM card, and well, =_=; she claims, whatever you find here in china, it's finders keepers....

argh...

=_=; I want to give it back to the owner, having hopes that it belongs to some hot single older girl (thats' younger than 25...xD)

obviously that isn't the case. I checked out the photos on the phone, and it belongs to a mother who really love her son..=/ (all of the pictures were pictures of her son, hwo did i know it belong to a girl? =_=; the cell phone is REALLY perfumy X_X;;;)

argh. whatever. not like i'm the one who found it right?

so. well, there's about 12 days till i'm back in Canada. twelve days from now, i'd be on the plane, flying to the other side of the world :D

right now i'm at an internet bar. really bored. i started to play games on mofunzone. @_@;;;

arghhhh

i'm so boredddddddddd

i'm so jealous of sharon >=o she's in china too; but NOOO; she's at hainan, and her dad's freakin' rich. she's living on 'three' floors with ocean views; =_=; and BEST of all--- there's sandy beaches there and hot asian bikin girls...=___=;;;;;;;;;

I HATE YOU!! why am i stuck at this stupid place eatting mushrooms everyday with no internet connection...T-T;;;; ARGH. T-T; i hate my life. >=o i'm so boreddddddd.

i'm hungry too. dinner isn't ready yet. @_@; well, i wouldn't know if it is or not. but yeah. i'm not getting dinner for another hour; 'cause i'm not going home till then. =_=; ('cause it's even MORE boring at home. i hate this!!!)

i'm bored out of my mind..............argh; I can't check out the chinese GL stories sites; 'cause well, i'm shy...and and...yeah...and well, people can read chinese here..=/ (there's a guy sitting next to me. ~_~;)

i'm so boredddddddddddd (I know, i've said that for the millionth time already.)

I wish school would start already. (I wouldn't be any less bored if i was in Canada though. =/ @_@; still TV + computer 24/7...=/)

argh. @_@;

hate this....can't believe i'm waiting for school...

but it's sad to think i'll be getting braces. @_@; (ohh hthe price i'd pay for beauti...)

I wonder how I'd look with glasses. :D XD lol. I'm thinking of getting a pair of glasses...like...except i'm not getting actual glasses...just the...case? like....no 'glass' just ...it's hard to explain, screw it. X_x;;;

 

YESH! my mum told me yesterday night that I can get braces ASAP as i get back to Canada. >=D yay! half a year, off the chart! woot :D :D :D

hopefully it'll/it can be taken off before university. :D

For those who don't know what FOB is, it stands for "Fresh Off the Boat" @____@;;;;;

NO NO, I don't want to be FOB. BUT....omg omg XDDDDD I LOVE THE SUPER GIRLS COMPITITION OMG OMG XDD CHRIS LEE!!!!!! zhou bi chan, OMG OMG XDDDDD they're all so coooooool. (go go, google them if you don't know.)

but i'm only kidding. =/ I can't be fob. but dang, i love their styleeeeee. I want to be LIKE them...XD OMG OMG XD maybe maybe I'll start to sing..or something...right now...I DUNNO. but but...<333333 <333 I luv themmm, they're so musically talented, and I'm so musically challenged. damn. T-T;

WAHHHH...

oh oh, and and, I've decided to get braces. =/ I need them. my teeth = ugly. and that's NO GOOD. but I dunno how many years I'll be stuck with them. I should've gotten them two years ago. T-T;;;;;;;;; *regret* oh well...I'm getting them next year April. 'cause the insurance doesn't arrive till then, and it covers 2K. @__@;;;

but the crappy thing is, I don't want to wait that long. That's an extra eight months. @_@;;;; almost a full year. So once I'm back in Canada, I'll try to convince my mom to let me get it earlier. @_@; I want it. >_<;;;;;;;;;;;; Eight month. That's a longggg time. @_@;;;;;;;;

argh...xD

BUT BUT OMG XDDD CHINESE GIRLSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS *goes crazy* sigh. Only if i weren't musically challenge. I KNOW girls go for girls who can sing, dance, and and play musical stuff. (yet I can't do any of the above. T-T;)

sad....poop..T-T;;;

*sigh*

-----------------

post made earlier today on MS:

Tuesday Augest forth

 

God, I’m so bored today. My stupid annoying cousin wouldn’t leave me alone. I found out the log in ID and password for the internet, BUT she just have to stick by me, stand by me 24/7 and wouldn’t leave me alone. =_=; So I can’t get internet access ASAP. I’m resorting to ignoring her and write up new LJ journals while waiting for her. Ha! Thank heavens she can’t read English. XD Yayyyyyy. She can barely regconize the letters. And darn, I can’t spell for my life. This version of MS I’m using don’t have spell check (Since it’s chinese and all.)

 

Dang it, I hope she would leave soon. =_=;;;;; It’s annoyinggg. I can’t even read while she’s here right next to me since I’m going to be reading Chinese stories and she’d know what’s the context, and that’s a ‘no no’, ‘cause, well, yeah…not a good idea to let 10 and a half year olds read GL romance stories………=/ damnit. =/

 

Oh well, whatever. She’s trapping me and I’m trapping her. XD I can spend hours rambling on talking about nothing. We’ll just have to see whose more entertained and whose able to stay quite long enough. XD Plus she’s standing right next to me. She’s bound to get bored first. XD ha. She left. Yay me <3. I rock. Don’t you think so?

 

So yeah…

 

Mood: Amused. =3

 

Log ID: dh13769164818

Pass: d7354040

 

(info for the connection at my house. XD hehe.)

 

Sunday, July 26, 2009

 

=_=; holy fuckin’ hell. We’re leaving in minutes to down town, ‘cause my mother is going to invite my stupid cousin to KTV. Obviously; we’re paying. Woot. Yay. My mums’ spending more money on this crap.

 

Fuck this. I don’t want to go. But there’s nothing I can do.

 

Whatever.

 

Mood: Pissed off.

Today; Note:

My mom left on the 30th, and when she left, she left 1K Chinese money for each of my cousins. I'm happy that she left money for my younger one. But i'm pissed off that she left money for the dumbass too. =_=;

i'm thinking about asking for that money back from him. whatever. we'll see. argh. i hate him.

I really do. and I'm hating myself too in the process.

mistakes. Mistakes. fuckin' life.

I never had a chance to avoid them. And now i have a chance to fix them; and it's too fuckin' scary and i don't want to.

anddd here's a pic of me riding horses.



it was so fun...riding horses. :D :D I'm going to go again later. XD

Friday, July 24, 2009.

 

So, I’m back from the long ass trip touring three different cities. Da Li, Li Jian, and Cu Xiong, I’m not going to go in details (or maybe I will? I dunno. I don’t want to at the moment at least.) but holy crap, that was the funnest vacation I’ve ever been on! =D (not that I’ve been on many), but like, the friend of my mother, who sponsered us for this trip, she went with us too. Along with her husband and child. --- they have sooo many freakin’ connections. O_O; They own a touring company, so like…lemme record this…

 

Once we’re at Da Li, a manager of another touring company came to pick us up at the Highway exit, -- she’s not a tourguide but a manager. =O --- and of course, she brought a tourguide along too. And the manager is soooo cute. XD but soooo out of my ‘age’. XD she’ve been married for six years. =/ the tourguide was cute too…and she have a two year old son…~_~; *sigh* -- but seriously, I don’t know if it’s their culture or something, but both of them talk ‘very softly’ and like, is very very lady-like, and their voice is even really soft…--- so basically, at Da Li, the sponser’s husband haven’t met us there yet, so so, we were free to eat whatever we want (you’ll see what I mean later when I explain it.) and and we went to the Da Li ‘old city’ and went to ‘foriger’s street’ (how ever you spell that…) --- xD it was fun. XD we took lots of pictures too. Of course, I’ll upload some later :D (or maybe by the time you read this, I’ve already uploaded pictures.)

 

And and, then we stayed at Da Li over night, the next day, we got up early and went to Li Jian, the car trip was long, three and a half hour. =/ but meh, it was worth while, ‘cause we have a little car to our own and our own personal driver, and it’s spacey in the car, so I’m happy. – so basically at Li Jian, a REALLY REALLY cute tourguide (male) came pick us up. xD but but, he’s kind of ‘gay’, like, not that I’m sure he’s attracted to males, but he ‘acts and talks’ and even he’s personality is kind of gay. Hahaha. So I was happy that he was our tourguide. He’s really nice and fastionable too. XD – at Li Jian, we had a whole house to our own, with four rooms. Two people per room. Five star hotel, all expenses paied for by the owner of the hotel (connections, connectons. :D We later on, went to eat together with the owner of the hotel, turns out, he’ s a BILLIONAIR, and I’m serious. That guy owns a whole chain of things…xD) --- that was where I got internet for like, a few moments…=/ da little kids wanted internet too. @_@; oh well. --- anyways, we went to climb the snowy mountain, to see the glaciers, and then afterwards we met up with the sponser’s husband, and almost about every single dinner/lunch after that, we were eatting it with millionairs….xD of course we went to Li Jian ‘old city’ and I bought a few gifts for a few of my friends. =3 I didn’t get a chance to pick out something for every-single-one-of-them, but later-on I will. XD hopefully. =o

 

And then, at Chu Xion, we basically went there, met up with more millionairs and the ‘travel section boss?’ basically, we met up with some primer? Well, some guy from the government. XD And and, well, you know me (or you don’t. meh.) we started to argue (I KNOW RIGHT? XDD I was arguing with millionairs! Woot! And people with a lot of power…O_O;;;) – and the topic of argument is whether or not I’m ‘Canadian’ or ‘Chinese’. XD and ‘which country should I be loyal to’ --- Of course, I’m very Canadian. =3 I love my country. XD and they were saying how ‘your root country have to be stronger in order for you to have pride in your other non-native country’ xD meh. XD basically, it ended with ‘I’m subjected to my own views, and they are subjected to their own views --- but there’s no right or wrong. I’m not wrong. They’re not wrong.’ ~_~;;; hahaha. But it was fun! Millionairs. :D

 

So yeah, that’s basically my four day trip.=3 we stayed at Li jian for two nights, Da li one night, Chu Xion one night.

 

--- and that brings me to yesterday, we went horse riding at ‘Golden Palaze’, some temple-like thingy built over 500-600 years ago. =3 the place is covered in gold and silver. XD of course, some places there are no more gold on there, since people touch it so much. But other places, like the top of the building (it’s actually a very small building…meh…) it’s gold, gold gold, shiney, shiney. XD --- we took a few pictures…and lastly, the most fun part about yesterday is we went horse riding. :D :D, no no, not the kind you see in kiddie-parks where it’s small horses and each horse have someone holding the leash. But, like, you had a horse to your own and you’re free to run..XDD and it was a trail ride, the trail lasted a whole hour…xD we went for the ride two times, so we spend two hourse horse riding.

 

1.       horses are huge…O_o;

2.       their poop smells REALLY BAD.

3.       riding for two hours on a bumpy horse, that runs non-stop, and you can’t sit still on the horse…--- your butt REALLY HURTS. (I’m bursed. T-T;;;;;;;;;;; it hurts. It really do.)

4.       horses run REALLY FAST. O_o;

5.       having a bursed butt – once again – really hurts. T-T;

6.       Lastly; riding horses like how I did yesterday, was REALLY fun. :D :D it was the first time in my life that I’ve ever ride a horse. XD (of course, I’m brave enough to not to have a guide holding on to my horse, so I was running alone :D:D it was so fun. XD)

 

And I realized, from yesterday, I really need to differ left and right in Chinese ._.;;;;;;;

 

So so, yap yap, that’s all for today :D
<--- I took that picture from that...hanging thingy that allows me to go up mountains and stuff

it was so fun. :D :D I haven't ride that thing in a longgg time...anyways..more pictures...




Yap, that's me. Riding on a monks' shoulders. :D :D

i'm so amazing. Hahaha. xD

Normally i don't upload pictures with me in it. But hehehehehehehe. I just wanted to upload this one. (I'll upload a few more too.)

i was so freakin' sick that day...I was cryingggggg. the whole time. and the amount of tissues i used were MOUNTAINS HIGH (well, no, just...12 packs.)



Lijiang old city. Real pretty. :D :D lots of bars. XD hahahahahaha.



I took the picture while being on top of a mountain. XD A picture of the wholeeeee lijiang old city. :3 well, most part of it. xD




I took this picture while being on those climbing thingy mountain thingy again. except this time, the ride was 15 minutes long and and, the mountain is over 4.5k KM high. =P yes. there were snow. XD and you see that foggy thingy? well, that's fog. LOL. not clouds. XD


and the second picture, is of course, yours truly, wrapped in tons of clothe (well...t-sihrt, one blouse, and a jacket-thingy...) --- and keep in mind, I was still sick. >=o so it was really cold.



hehe, me with my ten and half year old evil cousin. xD It isn't the best picture of me. But hey! it's funny. so whatever. :D :D all the pretty girls were looking at us and smiling while taking this picture. XD



Yes, yours truly again. XD I just had to upload another picture that i think was 'okay' to save my self from the previous 'bad' picture. (you know, my ego and all, I wouldn't want you cute ladies out there *and guys* having a image of me looking like the other pictures...hahhahahaha)

and yes. me and my trade-mark peace sign. Laugh all you want sharon. >=O I'm 'peace-sign' and PROUD. >=OOO



the highlight of my day. yes. cute girls in cute (well....) traditional clothing. (no, it's not my tradition. I belong with the rest of the 90% population of chinese people. Han. Boring. I know.)

Yap yap. that's all the pictures for now. It's annoying uploading them. =3 and i'm lazy. as usual.

I’m so freakin’ tired today. =_=;

 

It’s 1:04 AM and I’m still up. Why? Oh simple. =_=; ‘cause I have a hugeeeee headache. I lied on the bed for a full hour, and I still can’t sleep.

 

No, I normally don’t lose sleep.

 

I’m sick today. .__.; and I’m suppose to go on some kind of trip in two days? Well, now it’s one day. Since it’s offically Thursday. @_@; (Me = going on Friday.) And everything (almost at least) is already well-prepared. Except my body. (oh the wonders. =_=;;;;;)

 

Yes, I’m mad. And sad. Mostly sad.

 

I’m sick.

 

I’m in China.

 

I don’t have “The” internet. And I can only type this journal up in a microsoft document, and up load it later. (argh. I hate my life. Kind of.)

 

Well, since I haven’t written (Not that I can. To be politically correct, I still can’t, since, well, like, I don’t have no net…) in such a longgggg time. (three weeks almost.) Last month this time, I’m still in Canada, waiting for the days to pass-by just so I can be here. Here = China. (and sadly, now I’m counting down the days when I’ll be back in Canada. Where it’s ACTUALLY QUIET at 1AM at night. – where there’s no constant beeping from cars every five minutes or so.)

 

Argh.

 

I’m so freakin’ tired. And yes, I am aware that I’ve said that already. But damnit, I’m allowed to whine (even moreeee than normal.) ‘cause I’m sick. HA! AND (yes) this being the most obvious reason, ‘cause this ish my blog >=D oh yeah. Ownnnnneddd. (Not that I’m owning anyone here. Hahhaahahahahaha. Hush hush, don’t laugh, let the sick girl be happy for a few minutes.)

 

._.; I wonder how many words I typed in less than six minute time? (Now it’s 1:10AM)

 

304. =o

 

So that’s like….fifthy words per minute? ._.; ewwww. That’s my normal typing speed? ._.; x_x; (I’m going to say “no” >=O I’m bound to pause and think about what to say next, right? ._.; right. :D See, glad you agree. If I recall correctly, the fastest I’ve ever typed, recorded, eh, well, by me, and one of those online typing test thingies, was like 74WPM =O and right now, I’m typing at about 50 WPM ._.;;;;;;; slow. So slow. I’m ashamed. I’ve been using computers for so long too….)

 

My mom is still not home. =_=; I think I’ve only uploaded one blog ever since I got to China right? Well, I don’t remember if I’ve mention that, my dear old mother, have plans just about…EVERY SINGLE DAY. She’s “living it” =_=;;; she’s probably out drinking with her HS friends right now…*twitch twitch* while her dear, lovely daughter, (yours truly.) is lying in bed, whining to a MS document. =_=;;; (well, not exactly, since this will be a blog, some day, some time. Hahahahahahahaha.)

 

Right now, I’m just imagining all of the people who have me (yes, me, not my, but me.) LJ on E-mail notification, about how much spam they’ll (you’ll) get once I update all of my future-Ms bloggie journals….hahahahahahahahahahaha. I feel evil. (No don’t worry; well, by the time you’re reading this, you may have already gotten spammed…well, xD, on the up side, I doubt there’s that many. I’m so lazy about writing, well, *I say well too much…*, about once a week? Yeah…so…there’s probably around five? I dunno. Journals. :D :D)

 

Oh Oh! I took lots of pictures here in China too. XD cramming them in my cam. >=D I’m going to upload them on the net later too. XD obviously they’re not ‘great’ pictures (‘cause I ain’t got no photography skills x_x;;;; sadly.)

 

But yeah…a lot pictures of things I saw that was interesting here (e.g: a giant cube model thingy…) so so, yes yes, too bad uploading pictures on LJ takes forever.

 

And gosh, I’m damn tired. (yes, I know, the third time saying this.)

 

It hurts to open my eyes, but I still don’t feel sleepy. Nope. Not a single bit. I’m closing my eyes and type. Oo; I’m so cool. ( I know I know, I’m a dork. Shaddap.)

 

Ahh, mom’s home. =o 1:19 AM.

 

I’m going to whine to her about not being able to sleep. (she haven’t figured out I’m still up yet.)

 

Oh she got it. ._.; ._.;

 

And I’m going to be given more meds. @_@; yayyyyyyyyyyyyy.

 

My tummy feels funny. T^T, I hate being sick.

 

On a funny upside (not really an upside.) I’m typing on a lap top, and it doesn’t require as much finger? Movement as a ‘normal key board’ (‘cause laptop = smaller. Yayyyy?)

 

Yeah I know, I don’t make sense. What can I say? I’m sick.

 

Oh oh, here’s a reallll? Upside, I don’t have a fever. Not yet. (why not yet? ‘cause it’s always like that. I get drownsy, then, fever, then…a runny nose for the rest of the week. @_@;)

 

It’s my…2^nd? Time bieng sick this year. Argh. Normally me = sick once a year. But nononononononooooooo, a second time.

 

:D on the upside, I’m going to the hospitial tomorrow (it’s just right across the street.)--- there are young cute chinese nurses there…hehhehehehehehehehehehehehe. (hopefully at least….the doctors are all old though…@_@;)

 

And I’ve just been told by my dear mother, that..

 

1.       she’s going to sleep with me (T-T;;;; --- no I’m not embarrassed. But but…argh…)

2.       I’m going to be waken up at 3AM (IF I can get to sleep) to eat more meds. =_=; ohhh the joyyyyy.

 

Sleep, sleep, here I come…

 

Thursday, July 16, 2009 (China)

 

I haven't felt this bad in a long, long time.

But I feel REALLY bad right now.

I just finished (Well, not 'just', but about three and a half hours ago.) the movie "My Sister's Keeper"

and I balled my eyes out. I'm serious.

I started crying after not even five minutes in to the movie. And for basically the whole time (Almost two hours) I was crying non-stop. I used up all the napkins I got ._.; (and I took a whole stack.) -- and during the middle of the movie, I had to get out and get more napkins. ~__~;;;

haha; that was funny. (In a sad way)

But it's true. I feel like shit right now.

And no, I wasn't crying that freakin' hard over the movie. The move was okay. A lot of things was missing from the book; and according to my friend, it was drastically different from the book. Like, they even took out one of the Characters and stuff.

=/ but yeah.

Woot. I feel like shit.

Yappie doo doo.

My eyes hurt from crying so much too. I haven't cried so much in a long, long, longgg time. For normal people, yeah sure, the movie is sad and all, but you wouldn't cry till the end.

I cried after not even five minutes since the beginning.

God.

But I can't help it. I even feel like crying right now.

And no, =_=; I don't cry often. Thankyouverymuch.

Yes, I know why i was crying so bad. I still can't get over it. (Woot; what a good tactic to make myself cry though. All I have to do is recall things O_O; =ooooo)

I don't think i'll ever get over it.

I thought I did.

But I didn't.

I've never cried so hard for something I have to get over (And mind you, I do think/believe/know that I have a number of things I have to get over.)

God damn it, i'm only 15. I don't freakin' deserve this crap. What the hell did I ever do?

oh yeah. Being born into this world. Woopie-doo-doo.

Theres no one I can get mad at but myself.

There's no one I can cry to.

There's no one I want to talk to right now. (and I'm just writing this for the sake of ranting. Meh. And recording all of this, so some day, I can remember. Some day. When I'm all over. Some day, when I'm taking a trip into the past that I FINALLY ran away from -- and remember all of this.)

God. Life is unfair. It truely is.

There are so many people out there, that have things that I'll never have.

There are so many people out there, who complain about their 'life' while they fail to understand it's ACTUALLY good.

There are so many people out there, just so many, who really should just stop, and think, and see the people around them.

Why are humans so freakin' self centered? Why don't anyone ever take a step back and see them selves from that angle?

Why are people subjected to things that they don't deserve? That they never done, or asked for.

Why the hell am I here on this world? (There are so many reasons why I SHOULDN'T be. -- and I really; truely wish, I wasn't.)

Why do people have to lose their childhood?

Why did I? What the hell did I ever do to deserve this? 

and lastly to end this off. (And gosh does this post sound Emo. =/ For anyone reading this out there: Don't worry; I wouldn't hurt myself. If I would, I wouldn't be writing this. - I've lived with all of 'this' long enough to be able to numb everything, anything, whatever.)

I Really, shouldn't be Here. I don't want to exist.

Gosh; there's a few things, like, a few, that I want to write/record about today. meh. I'll probably leave....the other thing...till later days though; I'm too lazy.

I have been reading Chinese stories a lot lately; meh; gosh; my Chinese typing speed significantly increased, I caught myself a few times thinking in Chinese too @___@; normally I think in English. Hahaha. Now I have this light;soft abnormal fear of my English getting worse/bad over the summer, since I'm going to be in China for two months. =o

I wonder if it'll be an experience i'll remember for the rest of my life? O_O;

Probably. =/ I wouldn't be back there again for another six years or so afterwards. gosh eh? =P

We're going to a lot of places too...o_o; I'm going to travel around from three different cities (at least)

meh. and I'm going to come back alone =D Through Shanghai =o

cool eh?

anyways; got side tracked. xD hahaha...on topic......

My title, "I want to be a dummy."

hehe; why?

'cause =_=; dumb people ALWAYS seem to be able to find the BEST girls/lovers =_=; take my dads' family for example, all four of them, all four of them got married with people whom are too good for them =_=;

My oldest uncle got married to a HK woman, whose rich and helped him start businesses and become rich...

My aunt got married with a childhood friend type of thing, that guy isn't highly educated, but he's smart, he used family immagration in the mid 1990s, and came to Canada....@__@;;;; ---- right now; she doesn't work and stay home...she can't even drive!!!!

And there's my dad...=_=; in short, he's really useless, I got mixed feelings about him (No i don't have a father complex.) I hate him for how stupid he is, I love him 'cause he's my dad. I hate him for how much he have screwed us up, I love him 'cause he's a good father, I hate him 'cause...well...'cause he's the husband of my mom.................And yes, I got a mother complex, shaddap, go older woman goooo!

argh =_=;

he's lucky he found someone like my mum, everything in this family is 'cause of my mom, if i my mom were any less talented, or lucky, this family wouldn't be here. if i was in my mums' place, I would've left my dad ten years ago =_=; left this trashy family. =_=;

and there's my youngest uncle, I don't really know much about that guy, but I know his wife is once again, talented, and started a shop, and is getting him family income, without her, he wouldn't have income, =_=; 'cause he's jobless =_=;

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THOSE PEOPLE SEEEEEEE IN THE PEOPLE OF MY DAD'S SIDES' FAMILY. =_=; I really don't. =_=;

and I hope this kind of dumb-luck would pass on and let me find a wonderful wifey :D :D =D yayyyy =D loool. I hope so. Please. >_<;;;;;;

so yes, in conclusion, dumb people always seem to be really lucky in finding good significant others =_=;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; and smart people always fall for dumb people =_=;

=_=; I was going to write down what I want to tell my mom, you know, in the future thing again today, but screw it, i'll leave it till some other day. meh, she's out shopping right now. I just finished a Chinese story....蓝山

god i'm so bored, i'm going to sleep. mello

I don't have much to say today....but yeah;...

I wasted the whole day, just lazying around, doing nothing of significance or important. I liked it. =P I like wasting my time. =o I got plans for the next four days though........................~_~; meh...

I guess did the dumbest thing ever, I sat there with a dictionary, trying to find a page that doesn't contain any words that I don't know...

I can't find one. =_=; Every single page, some dumb word comes up that I have no idea of...lemme record them here...(I'd laugh if I flip every single page HERE right now, i'd know them all...I'd laugh...)

beset -----to make someone experience serious problems or dangers........

besiege ---- if people, thoughts besiege you, you are surrounded by them...

besmirch ---- to spoil the good opinion that people have of someone....

bespectacled --- WEARING GLASSES?! =_=;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

betel --- an asian plant, the leaves of which are chewed as a stimulant...........................HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO KNOW THIS?!

bete noire --- person or thing that you dislike the most.................

ashram --- a place where people who practice the Hindu religion live together, apart from other people...

asinine --- adj. extremely stupid or silly....(oh oh! This one is good to memorize >=DDDDDDDD）

askance --- to look at or consider something in a way that shows you do not believe or approve of it...

askew --- not exactly straight or in the right position

aslant --- not straight up or down, but cross at an angle...(hahahaha; that sounds funny, "I'm aslant, not straight up or down, but cross at an angle.")

....................basically; there's a lot of words that I don't know. =_=; Gosh; most of the words above; I don't think I've ever seen in my entire life. =_=;;; --- I　might have seen askew, but everything else...nope.

It really is. =_=;

I pratically FAILED my Science, and I'm SURE I DIDN'T pass Math. (Math = worse that Science.)

argh.

but whatever.

there's so much that's so screwed up with me right now.

I'm BORED. I'm REALLY REALLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY REALLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY bored. There's NOTHING I want to do. There's NO ONE I want to talk to. There's NO WHERE I want to GO. There's NOTHING. NOTHING NOTHING NOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTHHHHHIIIIIIINNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

ARGH.

I'm frustraited. At my stupidity. Why didn't I study? Why didn't I care? Why did I bomb it? THE HELL? Now I can't even go to sleep. 'cause MY MIND WOULDN'T LET ME. I'm stressed --- AND SCHOOLS OUT!

THE HELLLLLL?

God; I'm so bored; I'm chocking chocolate down my thoart.

and now peas...=_=;;;

i'm going to get fat. =_=;

I spend an whole hour reading horoscpes today...turns out....Saggie people are PLAY GIRLS! LOOOOOOL.

And apparently, the sign that fits me the best, 'cause you know, I like girls and all --- is apparently the cows and the crabs =___=; LOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Yes; yes; I'm laughing to myself non-stop thinking about calling those cows and crabs. BUT THAT IS TRUE; they ARE cows and they ARE crabs...xDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Apparently, if I recall from my memory correctly; most people I meet ARE cows OR crabs =_=;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

It's odd.....=___=''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

It seems like cows and crabs are allt here are in my life...meh...

and and and and..yeah... apparently I get bored of my lovers fast =_=; and I'm not a stable person to be in a relationship with =_=; i'm 'FREEDOM LOVING' =__=;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

and I really really hope that's not true. T-T;;;; but I DO get bored of people fast =_=; @__@; i hate that part about myself.

on a deeper note; I doubt the horoscpes can be all true; or w/e without being too overly generalized. Why? I'd LIKE to think humans are more unique than that. @_@; please. @_@; If not; then we're TOO DAMN BORING.

Anyways; that's it for this update. =/

Scary thought...

Someone, from a long time ago, told me that that's what I'm doing.

I put it to the back of my mind.

Now its back.

And I think it's true.


Scary eh?

Tomorrow; Science exam. wish me good luck! gona sleep early and spend the whole day tomorrow studying. =P